I’ve recently stumbled on the concept of acceptance. I’ve known about it for a long time but never formally got my mind around it until recently. The concept of acceptance is founded on the principle of removing the definition of what our society deems as “good” or “bad”. Instead of using these words, instead we should look within and understand how we feel, embrace that feeling, accept this is where we are and come to terms with that fact.
Often in my life, anytime I was faced with tough times – ones where I just felt like running from those that I loved or myself – I battled against those hard feelings. Last year – 2020 – was an incredibly tough year for me. I went through multiple losses – multiple early miscarriages, the loss of my dad unexpectedly due to COVID-19, loss of freedoms like most of the world, loss of income from a contract cancelled and many others. It was a tough year. At first, my instinct was to do one of two things – (1) fight against these uncomfortable feelings and try to look on the bright side of things or (2) run. If I’m honest, these strategies have served me relatively well in my life but with where I’m at in my life right now, neither felt right.
After the loss of my dad in December, I chose to really embrace all these feelings of loss and just accept it for what it was – crap. I chose to dive within and tackle some of the harder emotions I’ve often kept inside me. Through talking with friends, a therapist, journaling, meditating and getting in touch with my spiritual side a bit more, it’s really helped me deal with these tough emotions. The loss still sucks but it is easier to know that it’s OK not to be OK and that I can just accept that.
I bring this up here because the fertility journey for many is filled with lots of emotions – from the extremes of sadness to joy. That is why I always describe the fertility journey as a rollercoaster – it truly is. I know that during my fertility journey I’ve felt all the feelings and I know many women I’ve encountered over the years have felt the same. In December, I challenged myself to accept my feelings and be with them. It has helped me a lot in staying focused and reducing the pressure I put on myself as we move towards completing our family.
I challenge you to do the same.
How can you practice acceptance?
- First of all, Feel the Feelings.
- Embrace how you feel and avoid pushing the feelings away.
- Identify where in your body you feel the pain or joy. Make a conscious note of where you feel this in your body.
- Breathe – this has helped me tremendously in managing through the feelings.
- Talk to someone about the feelings – find someone who will let you vent without trying to “solve” your problems.
- Journal/voice record your feelings.
- Let it be. Rinse & Repeat. – as time will pass, the feelings should get easier to handle but following the steps as much as you need will help for you to accept.
Acceptance has given me a new approach for managing my emotions. In some ways, it has been extremely empowering. As you move through your fertility journey, I hope you will be able to accept where you are in your journey and the path you are on. If you ever need an open ear, I have a great one. Contact me to share your story for a free one-on-one coaching session.